Reviews

Reviewer: Thomas Blair (ryujijitei)

How long you've played the game: ~85 hours
Learning curve: 1-2 hours
Difficulty: Very hard

Overall: 8.6

Summary: If you can live through the punishment God Hand deals out, then you'll discover a glittering gem of gaming.

I spent an hour going from store to store looking for this game, initially just to rent it. After I finally found it for $20, I instantly bought it instead. And boy, I don't regret it at all.

If you aren't acquainted with the game, your first impression will be dull. It has its own sense of humor, one that will kick you in the balls and laugh at you as you squirm in pain. However, if you live through the ordeal, you will grow to love its quirkiness. Although the graphics are stale and unoriginal by today's standards, they work just fine. Actually, they almost enhance the game for me. Having simple environments and a RE4-style camera takes a bit of getting used to, moreso with the latter, but after an hour or two, it won't be a problem.

One of the biggest reasons I decided to get it is the soundtrack by the musical messiah Masafumi Takada. That man is an absolute genius, and it shows, as God Hand's soundtrack is quite possibly his best work yet. You want upbeat surf rock? Listen in awe as it blasts from your speakers at the title screen and the pre-stage map. You want melancholy symphonic rock? Ignore Angra and focus your attention to the background music during the final boss fight. Are you more attuned to the heavy side of things? Rock on while you're fighting Azel.

Clocking it at around 10-15 hours for first-timers, it's not a short game, either. 9 stages of absolute mayhem are at your disposable. There are over 100 techniques and almost 30  roulette moves, allowing for enough customization to make RPG fanatics blush. Oh, and did I mention it's DAMN HARD? God Hand is one of the very few games I've played that made me frustrated to the point where I was having fun. After 3 runs on easy and 2 runs on normal, I started to feel like a seasoned veteran. When I selected hard, I could barely beat the first stage. Trust me, this game is for the hardcore only.

The characters are instantly loveable and the story is goofy while still having depth. The voice acting is cheesy as hell, but that was intended; the game obviously doesn't take itself seriously. The enemies range from psychotic midgets with bombs to towering lucha libre wrestlers that like to smack you in the face, and the bosses are no different. The first mini-boss (or should I say mini-bosses?) is a pair of twins with dark tans and gay lisps clad in highly revealing mesh and leather carnival gear, complete with the ability to ram their asses in your face and uppercut your family jewels. And you know what? It's still fscking hilarious.

So while it's about as hard as a solid block of onyx and as strange as your local hermit, it's still one of the greatest games this generation---and that really means something in this case. If you can look past its blemishes and love it for what it truly is, then you, my friend, are truly worthy of inheriting the game's title.